Soul Work Is the Key to Your Freedom [livestream transcript]

*This is a transcript of a Livestream hosted in 2017*

I would love to dedicate this lesson to a crucial conversation. I feel like it holds the key to our inner freedom. If you have everything in the world—wealth, influence, and all the toys—what if your inner world is not liberated?

It is going to change your inner experience of life. You will feel a deep dissatisfaction and longing for inner liberation, even if you do not know how to name it. Even if you do not know how to name it, you will feel it—this longing, this restlessness, this “what else is there? “

This different aspect of ourselves desires to be healed, embraced, and then liberated.

Some who have never met me before may ask, “Who is this woman talking about soul work?” My name is Katerina Satori. I was born and raised in Soviet Russia and came to the United States when I was 23. I am American by choice, and I am definitely a Starseed and a galactic being, my soul origin.

My primary mission is to do deep soul work with people. 

I am here to assist others in remembering who they are in the soul level, to come to their full power of realization of their full sovereignty. Sovereignty, to me, is your ability to be a master of your physical domain, your body, and your finances- being the master means nothing masters you. You are a sovereign being, and then you develop the mastery of your intellectual domain, mental capacities, thoughts, intentions, and ability to stay present and to guide your thoughts. Not just to be guided by it. At the next level, you begin to dive into your emotional world. You start to develop your emotional sovereignty, your ability to not only be swept by your inner world but to navigate it with grace, compassion, and love for all of your emotions. Your ability to see there is no such thing as a negative emotion. There is a thing such as a negative thought. That stirs up your emotional world. If you do not know how to swim, you will be swept by it.

We have another domain, the domain of will. You develop sovereignty of will. Your ability to harness the power and reach inside you and say, “I decide to go forward with my vision, not just to remain in the fantasy of a possibility. I decide to take this bold risk and bold action.”

Then, we have the domain of the spirit. This is where you restore your relationship with God in whatever way aligns with you. You restore your relationship with divinity. You dive deep into the understanding of the spirit world. You begin to see yourself as an interdimensional traveler, not just a human being who walks into space floating like a galactic chaos.

You begin to see the order of the universe. You begin to see the cosmic game, joke, plan, and mystery. Then, you bow down to the mystery rather than trying to solve it with your logic. You realize that the biggest gift of incarnation is love and contribution to others and your higher purpose. They all have an element of mystery, and you awaken the inner mystic in you that sees this universe's grace, love, and benevolence.

When I tune into the word “sovereignty, " I see it is the ultimate self-mastery. Self-mastery is where you understand you will always be a student; you never arrive there. The more you know, the more you empty your cup. And you say, “God, Spirit, divine mother, empty me and help me see what I still don’t understand and what I refused to see in me.”

Some of you who have been following me I, maybe, bring you to my work. I share with you some part of my story, only as a place of reference and only as a place of- What gives me this grace to share these insights with you is because I truly believe it doesn’t matter where you come from. It does not matter how humble your beginning is. In fact, it appears that the more humble your beginnings, the more that fire gets lit in you. And you say, “I will not be defined by my circumstances. I will rise, and I will go and create a better future- Maybe I will be the first person in my family line who goes and does something beautiful, meaningful, and impactful.”
You begin to see that the family curves and wounding on the ancestral darkness. You do not have to carry it forward to the next generation. You can choose to say. “It ends with me.”

This was my story as some of you know it, and I am going to give it.

I grew up in Soviet Russia and I was raised by a single mother, who when I was growing up, I did not want to be like her at all. The entire life of my mom was like a tomboy. You could not find any feminine genes in my mother. When people look at me, the first complement that I usually get is on how incredible my energy is. I am very grateful and I say thank you, it is cultivated. The second complement is usually on how feminine I am. How embodied I am in my feminine. If you saw my mother, you would probably be amazed, for she is ultimately tom boy. I think the last time I saw my mum with long hair, I was around 5 years old and she's been wearing her hair short.

My mom always acted like a man in a female’s body. She could move the furniture, rewire the electric system in the house if there was need for doing it, plant the garden, harvest the garden, work two jobs, provide for all of us. When I was growing up, I was watched my mother and my main thought was, “I will never be like her. I will never be this bossy. I will never be this abrupt. I will never be this masculine. I will never be this manly. I will develop different qualities.”

Maybe some of you ladies or gentlemen said, “I will never be like my mother.” It is like whatever you resist or persist and it is something you cannot run away from, like your shadow. The more you try to run away from your shadows, the more you cannot really run away from it. The only way you can meet your shadow is to step in the light. I will get into the father situation, as it is an absolute different scenario.

Besides my mother, I also grew up with five different step dads. The story line of these five step dads- one was worse than the previous one. It was not getting better. it was getting worse with every single one of them stepping into my life and my mother’s life. I grew up in a small apartment with five people, 1 bathroom, and there was no sense of privacy or personal space.

When I was sixteen, I was so waiting for that moment where I could pack my bags and say, “I will see you guys, later than sooner,” and I left. I just turned seventeen and left and I went to my first college, and I did not come back to see my family for the next two years. I started doing this pattern and it served me to a point because at that time, I was so emotionally fragile, and I was just looking for myself and who I was. That was my path- to distance myself from my biological family- just to find some ground underneath my feet, to find my voice and who I am.

First forward ten years, I made it to the United States of America and I began pursuing my American dream. I kind of put my relationship with my family on the back burner. I would always keep them at a distance because it was so hard to deal with the ghosts of the past. The wounds were deep and open and I felt like they were gushing with unprocessed emotional heaviness. The easiest way to deal with it was just to put it away and to pretend it is not there. As every single year went by, without realizing I was doing it, I kept punishing my mother with my distance. I kept allowing her to know just a little bit of my life, and the punishment of silence, the punishment of “You don’t deserve to know me.”

I did not see how failing to deal with this family shadow was creating deeper and deeper wounds in me. When you do not relate with your mother, it is a huge breakthrough that you begin to see that healing this dynamic with your mother or father is the biggest liberation opportunity not just for you but the effect goes up to seven generations after you. This happens independently if your choose to have children. This is how the family system works.

Back to the story. I kept creating more and more distance with my family through the years. My mental justification was, “They will never be able to handle my truth. If I really reveal the real authentic me, I will be judged, rejected, and lectured. It was better to self- protect- not let you in- not to deal with my pain, to keep punishing you with my distance.

Until there was one moment years ago. I went to a Burning Man festival. I had an incredible experience. The Burning Man is a gigantic festival with over fifty thousand people, and it is a gathering for seven days and it is ultimate self-reliance and self-expression. You can be free with who you are and express yourself without limitation.

This festival is a place where you just meet strangers. In a matter of five minutes, it is a place where you can drop into a deep conversation with a total stranger. It was one of those moments. I met this man and he was asking me about my heritage, and my Russian routes. Instantly, I felt a block, even until this moment I still have a little bit of resistance when people ask me about my heritage. I notice a resistance, but at that time, it was a deep block. I did not want to go there. It is a sign that here is a lot of unhealed stuff, if you do not want to go somewhere. So he just kept asking me about my family and I said, almost boisterously, “Oh my mother knows maybe 20% of my real life. Because if she knew all of it, she would not be able to handle it so why would I bother. “Those were my words, about seven years ago.

He looked me in the eye and he said- he delivered the message- he was like a soul archer at that moment. He just delivered the message like a perfect stranger can. He said, “Katerina, the short term gain is the long term pain, and a short term pain is a long term gain.” He went on to say, “You will risk vulnerability by letting your mother in and letting her know about who you really are, and who you are becoming as a woman. You take a bigger risk by opening your heart and letting her in, but that is going to create a long-term gain. You are going to start plating the seed of intimacy in your vulnerability and authenticity in the relationship. But you choose to go for the short-term gain and keeping the emotional wall and not letting them in, and protecting your heart. Well what kind of seeds are you planting? You are planting the seeds of separation and coldness and you are not even giving your mother the chance to get to know the real you.”

Just like a soul archer, he pierced my soul with those words. I saw it and it clicked in me. I was like- “I don’t even give my mother a chance to understand me.” I made a decision that she will not, and the healing began at that moment. That was a moment of choice. I could have chosen not to hear the message because the role of the soul archer is to deliver a message, and not to live it for you. I could have pretended not to hear it and probably we would not have this conversation right now.

But something, by the grace of God, my soul encouraged me to hear the message and I came back from the burning men* festival and the very first thing I did was to book a flight to Russia. I went with my partner at that time. He came with me for moral support and it was the biggest and deepest healing that I began at that trip. I literally came out of the closet, metaphorically speaking.

I downloaded at least a decade of what I kept away from my mother, about my spirituality, about my visions, dreams, habits, choices, exploration- I just let it all out of the closet. I said, “Mum, did you think I was like that? How about a spectrum of this…” The most beautiful thing is that, whatever you think that your parents are not accepting you it is just a voice of the frightened mind that is afraid of the vulnerability and the heart connection. I will never forget I was sitting with my mother and it was one of those very first conversations when you speak to your mother as a woman to woman. Not as a daughter to mother.

My mom looked me into the eye and said, “Daughter, it doesn’t change how I feel about you. You have your life. You will explore, you are going to find who you are and you will do it in a different way than I did. I will always love you.”

That was the beginning of healing. Then I began working with different plant medicine. That was the second stage of my healing. I am also very public about it. In my life, I have always been fascinated by the exploration of consciousness. I am all about diving in and exploring what is in there. Like how far can I travel in my own consciousness? How deeper can I understand who I am as a soul. Why am I here and what is the meaning of this world? So, when you start exploring the meaning of your consciousness, you are going to start diving deeper into your inner world. No matter the level of strength in the psychedelic plants that I would take, from Ayaushca to these strongest psychedelic on our planet called 5 MEO ( it is literally a God molecule, you go in and see God and you are never the same.)

So whenever someone tells me they are atheists that they do not believe in the spirit world, I just tell them to take some deem DMT and some Five MEO, and you will see the spirit world. In my work with the visionary plants and the sacred plant teacher, I also kept diving into my ancestral patterns. This is because the plants do not change you into anything but they are going to reveal you to who you are. It is up to you to do the work after the ceremony, after you get off the meditation cushion and you go into the world and the life presents to you an opportunity and you have a choice to act differently, and that is where the real ceremony begins. So I see the entire life of the ceremony and these occasional oases of experiences we call plant ceremonies. They are sacraments and a huge privilege to experience and a huge responsibility once you experience them. Because, whenever you get that divine revelation and divine upload/ download and you are not doing anything with it, you just keep going for the high of it, it comes with a price. It comes with responsibility. To those whom a lot is given, a lot is asked for.

I kept digging through the family line, through all of this situations and unresolved blockages and I have done really deep work with the visionary plants. Some of you have a lot of unforgiveness with your family line, and with your ancestral line. If you had a very heavy family karma, and it is something we cannot escape, the family karma comes with the vehicle of your buddy.

A lot of times, it is impersonal. A lot of times you inherit it simply by inheriting the DNA of your parents. If you consider yourself an Indigo girl, a light worker, or a person who is here to do soul work with people, you want to accelerate your spiritual path, and you know who you are. Chances are really high that you on a soul level shows a very turbulent family dynamic. Isn’t it so? You chose a very difficult and twisted family karma. Why? Because it is the highest and most accelerated power for your soul’s evolution, which is to heal with your father and your mother and with your siblings. Sometimes it can be even harder with your siblings, because you cannot run away from them. You cannot divorce your family, no matter if your want to. Even if you do like I did. I ran away from my family across the globe.

Yes, I wanted to explore. Yes, I felt deeply pulled to this country, yet the underlying energy was to remove myself away from my family. An interesting revelation was that the family ghosts do not leave you just because you decide to cross the border. They still haunt you in your dreams and nightmares. They show up as your romantic partners and then one day you wake up and say, “I never wanted to be like my mother or father, but look who I married. I married my mother, I married my father.”

That was when I had my first and only marriage eleven years ago. Eleven years ago was my divorce and that was a cold sweat moment where I kept repeating, “I will never be like my mother. I will be feminine and elegant, and sophisticated. And successful and all of that.” One day I woke up and looked at my ex-husband and there was this cold sweat moment. I married a man that my mother would choose. That is when you realize you cannot run away from unhealed karma, unhealed family shadows. Then you realize that whatever has ben repressed in your family line will look for an opening in a family system and that opening can be you. And most likely, that opening will be you. Whatever is suppressed in your family is looking to erupt. So what is really suppressed in your family? Grief, shame, guilt, family secrets? For me when I was growing up, I was so hungry for attention from my mom. To get that attention from my mom, I made an unconscious decision that if I protect the family secret and put my little body of a 5-8 year as a shield to protect the family darkness and secrets, my mother would love me.

Unconsciously, children have such a blind love that you will unconsciously re-enact the family secrets, the family shadows. You are going to tip the role on your mother or father because of that deep unconscious blind love. The process of spiritual awakening and spiritual maturation is learning to develop mature love where you love others from the place of conscious empowerment not the unconscious co-dependency.

A mature love has strong and clear boundaries. Mature love knows how to take responsibility and how to self- parent. Finally, mature love takes parents off the hook. It makes a decision to do whatever is required to heal those wounds. No matter how long it is going to take, no matter how scary the inner voices and inner demons. No matter how overwhelming this process feels. The pain of living with the ghosts of the family shadow becomes so intolerable that you decide it ends with me. It ends with me.

I wanted to share a little miracle that happened. I really feel there is a special power where you highlight the miracle. When a miracle happens in your life, you not only journal about it. You declare to the universe and you speak about it. You say this is the miracle that came into my life. I had a miracle once and it was a process of Yvonne Delaflor, my co- leader, and an incredible woman that I have a privilege to serve. We did several events together. Yvonne is the founder and creator of this incredible system called Transcendental rebirth process.

That process that Yvonne facilitates feels like a ceremony where you go into kind of alternate reality in a way. The whole process is just to tap in and find the missing experiences of your life. Sometimes like when you had a trauma as a child, your subconscious memory will bury that deep down in your subconscious, because to access that memory is so painful.

However, your subconscious mind is on your side. Your subconscious mind will attempt to bring that memory up to the surface as an external event in your life, as a person you attract and fall in love with, as a situation, as an accident, as a wakeup call. The more you bury them in your subconscious it is like a springboard. Your subconscious mind looking for opportunity to bring it up for healing.

If we suppress it all the time, your subconscious mind will create a dramatic eruption. We call that the wakeup call. So, instead of waiting for dramatic eruption, you can make a choice. You can say I am so committed to healing my heart and my soul. I am so committed to take responsibility and to say, “It ends with me.”

If I can remind you of anything unhealed in your mother’s line, it will show up as the inability to have a fulfilling romantic relationships. Either you attract non-committal people or you cannot commit yourself, or you attract somebody, and that is easy for you, but you cannot sustain a relationship longer than six months.

You will ask yourself why you are so unlucky in love. If you ever ask yourself that, look at your relationship with your mother. Look at the mother’s family line. If you have a challenge with money, and you cannot attract it, or you have a money block, or you feel guilty when you create a lot of abundance or you just make enough to get by, look at your relationship with your father. Look at the relationship of your father with money. Because unconsciously, remember the concept of blind love. Remember you are so loyal to your parents, to your parents’ family line. You are so loyal that you will not dare to live a better life than them. Unconsciously, out of your conscience understanding, it is like a program that runs you and until you locate the program and hit delete button, you are going to keep rewriting and recreating. If you do not believe me, question, I love skeptics. Look at the life of your siblings. If you consider yourself more awake, more evolved and more on the path than your sibling, look at their life. How similar are the lives of your sibling to the life of your parents. That is going to be the [inaudible] for you.

Last night, we were doing an incredible Transcendental rebirth process, a private experience. There was this moment where I was invited to give my father a chance to show up for me. It was in the context of a [inaudible] rebirth process. We were doing this womb process where you step in and it is kind of alternate reality. You feel like you are in a ceremony and you start tapping into your family’s system and you look in for missing experiences of your family’s system of your family’s soul. I have not had any contact with my biological dad for the last six years. Before I tell you what happened, I will give you a 5 seconds introduction to that.

About six years ago, I wrote to my dad a forgiveness and release letter. My dad has been a sever alcoholic all his life. So, carrying the wound of shame for him was a conscious responsibility I took on as a child. So, the majority of my healing work as an adult was to let go and release the subconscious loyalty and responsibility, to make my father’s life better, or different, or to save him, and to actually realize that it is not my job and it is not my role. It was also to help me honor him as a soul for what he chooses to experience even if it means slowly killing himself through alcohol.

About 6 years ago- I have done this healing work and forgiveness work for almost a decade with him. It was a final crescendo of my process with my father when I wrote this letter. It was like a twenty page letter. I told him for the very first time, about all the things that I was angry with him about, and all the things I was disappointed with him about. For the first time in my entire life, I gave dad a voice. Because when you name it, you can claim it. When you can claim it, you can change it. If you do not dare to express what you really feel to one of your parents, you are repressing it and not owning it.

It was a powerful moment in my life when I just owned it and I wrote it., and then I said, “And I honor you, “after I shared with him. I felt I did not receive from him as a parent. And what I was angry, disappointed, and sad about I said, “I choose to honor your path, I forgive you, and I forgive myself for carrying this resentment all my life. And I choose to release the resentment between us. So it was a beautiful letter. I wrote it and I felt incredible. I think I wrote the letter for me. That was the point. To write the letter for me. I sent it and I never heard back from him. Years go by and I try to reach out to him, just on the phone. He changed his number, and I do not know where he lives. He lives in my hometown. I just surrendered. I said I take my father off the hook and if ever it would be required of me to have in- person conversation with him, I would show up for it. But I just let go, I just surrendered. Yesterday there was a moment in the rebirth process where I had an opportunity to call in on my father’s soul, and ask him to be a protector for me for a very short period. I said, “Father, this is your opportunity to show up sober as my father, and to be my advocate and guardian in the spirit world.”

There was a very brief moment. I come home and I receive a text message from my older sister who is in Russia, and on the same day she writes, “Katerina, let’s connect on Skype, I have a lot to share with you.” She said, “I resumed my connection with our father and I saw him sober twice, and we connected.”

I have been in this path too long and too deep to see that as a mere coincidence. I see it as an incredible and powerful point of liberation for a family system. When you choose to heal your heart and to heal your relationship with your family, you literally restructure a whole family system. You not only heal your soul. You heal the soul of your family line.

This very simple moment where my sister said, “I restored my relationship with my father, we connected and he was sober-” Every single word of that statement was loaded with meaning for me. And the timing of it and when I gave the opportunity for my father to show up for me in a spirit world. The inner reflects the outer. As within, as without.

This is the power of activating that spirit essence in you. You begin to see how thin this veil is. It is just a membrane. When you shift something deep in your heart, entire geometry of your life begins to reorganize itself. Every single moment of healing and moment of liberation has the power to unfold a completely different destiny for you.

How do you know that you truly healed your relationship with your mother and with your father? One of the things that you can know is if you take them off the hook. You take them off the hook of guilt, shame, and a silence punishment with your distance. As used to be my hooks.

It is all about how we can take the hook off our parents. Out of this self-righteousness and self-punishment. Because if you keep the hooks in them, you keep the hooks in you. What a waste of life to live and process anger and pain and then it goes to your organs and we call it cancer, or whatever other physical expression of unprocessed anger and unprocessed grief, unprocessed shame.

I feel the whole of this livestream, is through my personal experience to share with you that there is an ultimate cosmic design. You choose your parents. You carefully orchestrate your family dynamic because you cannot run away from them, and it is your greatest opportunity to heal the family system. To say it ends with me; a new life, lineage, and ancestral line begins with me. That is the greatest life accomplishment in my eyes. Everything else will come from it. Like a fruit of this new tree that, you plant. Everything else will come from it like a fruit of this new tree that you plant. Everything else will come through.

How do you know that the healing of your mother is in place? Go look at the partners you begin to attract. Look at the quality of your romantic relationship begins to improve. Less drama, less of codependent dynamic manipulation, and less of wrestling.

You begin to magnetize somebody of equal strength, equal vision. Somebody with whom you can build something lasting together. You just look at all of your relationships. Relationship with a mother is love. It is like you are a lover archetype. How wounded is it. That is where you look. And the same thing with the father. All these wounds, how are you healing it? Look at the level of posterity that begins to increase, and the level of fear for your survival begins to decrease.

Is it a worthy reward? I believe so. More than anything, there is knowing that you lived your life well and you faced those inner demons that were just waiting to churn into your inner angels. Every demon is an angel in disguise. Just waiting for you to embrace it. How do you get rid of the shadow? You step into the light, and the first thing is that even if for some of you it can begin with simple prayer- “Today I choose to take my mother off the hook, and I choose to see my mother clearly with unconditional love.”

Say the same words for your father. That could be the first seed that you plant, and you will be proud of that seed. Otherwise, you have to start somewhere. You then begin to pray for compassion and understanding because in order to be able to forgive, you have to be able to understand. Forgiveness is impossible without understanding. If you can see that, maybe your parents never wanted to be your parents. Some part of me thinks that my father maybe never wanted to be a father. Maybe he was resisting that role in his life.

To be able to see the situation from the three hundred and sixty degrees and to see them as humans and not as the perfect parents that they could never be for you, that is the beginning, compassion will begin to open your heart. The healing will begin.

When we heal our family line, we really heal the world. Some of the biggest wars begin at home. Especially if we are in the spotlight, and in a leadership role and our family wounds are not attended to, it is going to bleed into the leadership and into our service. That murky energy is just looking for out.

What a great gift to embrace our self, and compassion and tenderness, and begin taking our parents off the hook. Pray for guidance. If you pray for guidance, support will come and you will be able to recognize it and it can come in terms of books, courses, classes, teachers, or audios. Support will aways come relevant to what is required for you to receive. Just ask for it.


If parents do not change their behavior, it does not matter. I depends on your inner stamina. It depends on your soul stamina. If your parents are incredibly abusive- physically, verbally, emotionally, and you do not have a soul stamina to meet hate with love, I would say you remove yourself from the situation if it is possible for you and build up your soul strength. This is exactly what I did. At sixteen, I was out. It took me a decade to do this work. I do not know your specific situation. I do not want to be in Russia, truth. I do not like to go to Russia. However, I go because it is the deepest practice. And when I go to Russia probably this year, I will lean on, on all my tools. On tools of thought mastery, my emotional composure, my ability to cultivate passion on demand. That is the real practice of your spirituality. I am going to lean on all of that and I know my limit. When I begin to get emotional- I will remove myself; tell them I love them and that I am going on a long walk. And I will go on a long walk and restore myself in nature.

Therefore, you always pay attention to where the critical moment is. You will then roll in soul stamina and soul courage. You will be able to not be affected. No matter the chaotic environment you are in, you begin to master your environment instead of allowing the environment to run you. The ultimate thing is for you to be patient with yourself. Have an intention for healing. Once you have that intention for healing, you will have opportunity to do this work.

That is all I wanted to share with you this soul Sunday. Because the more you notice these little miracles, they are not that little. They are pivotal moments of your destiny because you have this magical quality called appreciation. Every single win, every single victory, and every single moment of forgiveness, you could have remained resented in all but you chose differently. That is a moment of celebration.' 

- Filmed in 2017 

Katerina Satori