In search for Cosmic Truth

IN SEARCH FOR COSMIC TRUTH

What most people do not know about me is that I grew up with zero spirituality. There were no conversations about a higher power or the deeper meaning of life. There were no rituals or practices to cultivate a connection with the Divine, which was utterly odd for me as a child. I had a natural yearning for all things otherworldly. I had a connection to the world of Spirit that I felt in my whole being. I saw magic everywhere, including places lacking harmony and beauty. My earliest memories were when I was five years old and praying to the Universe before going to sleep. It felt as natural as breathing to say goodnight to the Presence I felt was always with me. I remember putting my tiny hands into a prayer posture without anyone showing me how.
I also remember worrying about death because I did not feel I knew what would happen when I died. I was scared not of death but being unprepared for it.

How did I know these things as a child?

I tried to ask my mother, who was always tired and had little time for me. “Why I am here? Where will I go after this life? What is the purpose of my life?” I asked her, but she had no answers because she did not know. My mom was a down-to-earth woman if I can describe her this way. Contemplating things of a higher nature was not on her daily radar. She was busy providing for me and my older sister. Shelter, food, and her way of loving us. We were in Communist Russia, where things were far from stable, and no one openly spoke of spirituality or even was welcomed to.

Everything radically changed when communism collapsed in the early nineties. I was about to take a vow to be a member of the communist children's party, Pioneer. The night before the officiation ceremony, I was eagerly ironing my special uniform and a red scarf that would be placed around my neck by a senior at my school—welcoming me to an entry rank. How fast life can change. In one night, the communist party collapsed.

I was yet to learn that with every collapse of the old, the new will be born. Russia had a sense of possibilities mixed with chaos and uncertainty, and people were forced to dig deep within to adapt. My mom, my dear mom, held it all together stoically, collapsing occasionally in a full-blown rage. I cannot blame her, even though it left big scars on my psyche to hear her lash out on my sister and I when she would come home exhausted from long hours of labor work and see something in our apartment that would trigger her. It could be a dish left in the sink or a trash that we forgot to take out, whatever it was it would turn her into a raging woman, and it was so terrifying to be around. She would eventually calm down but the energies were stuck in the space, making the apartment challenging to be in.
I learned to escape. It has become my life skill. I knew when it was time to go and that the place to go for me was outside. I walked for hours on the streets, only occasionally taking public transport because I did not have the money for it. Taking it risked being caught without a ticket and being shamed for it. I preferred to find my solace in walking.
Music was my medicine. I had a Walkman and a few tapes, a collection of melancholic Russian songs that resonated with my existential dread.

Part 1 Religion

On one of the walks, I saw a poster. It was an invitation to celebrate Easter and listen to the teachings of Christ. I felt an immediate inner yes. I came to an old and charming building filled with people. I found a spot and began to hear the sermon. I was home. Finally, a place where I could hear about spirituality, even sing songs from the pamphlets and be around friendly people.
I was twelve years old, and this is the beginning of my decade-long chapter as a devout Christian. I loved the church. I got baptized. I deeply believed in Jesus Christ, read my Bible, and became deeply involved in the church. I became a Bible Camp leader, went off to a Bible college, became one of the very few women to earn a Theology degree, and became a church leader. All of that was part of my deep quest for the Divine, and religion was the beginning of the spiral.

Part 2 Philosophy and Psychedelics

I left the church at the age of 22. It was gradual and an abrupt untangling. Certain life experiences pierced my religion bubble and made me question things that I have learned in church. I was thirsty for EXPERIENCE, and like Persephone who fell through the earth into the arms of the Hades, my first experience of the descent into darkness began. Only now, I understand that I called in my very first adversary, who took the role of Hades - to strip me of my maiden naiveté and accelerate my maturation process. My very first betrayal at 22, the shame I felt and tried to hide, and the stoic armor that I put around my heart, modeling after my mother. Being disillusioned that my faith and my god did not protect me, I began to question EVERYTHING. What I was taught was ‘sin’ and what I was not allowed to try. I was hungry to try LIFE and to see where it would lead me.

Enter a (brief) chapter where I proclaimed myself an agnostic and pushed everything spiritual aside. I tried pot for the first time, I seduced a man by boldly approaching and kissing him (who later became my husband), and I wanted more. I wanted to live a life without rules, without anyone preaching what and who I should be. I also tried to be “normal” - I wanted to fit in; I pushed aside my spiritual yearnings and that was it. I married that guy that I kissed, we lived an ordinary and uncomplicated life.

All that time, I searched for my path. The urgency to find it never left me. It hovered above me and made me ask, “What is the point of this all?” I was studying at my third college, switching my major, once again, unable to stick with one long enough. An introduction to Eastern philosophy class drew my attention. “Maybe it would be good for me”, I wondered. A monk from the Dalai Lama monastery was teaching it. I signed up.

I remember arriving at the class and instantly connecting to the peaceful aura of the monk. He was in his elder years, wearing orange robes. His energy spoke to me, and that was the first time I’ve experienced the power of a spiritual energy transmission. Embodiment was not the word in my vocabulary back then, but that was the first time I sensed it.
I sat in my chair, trying to meditate, my restless mind jumping like an untamed wild horse. I did not want to give up, so I kept coming to his class. I was in his aura, seeing patience in his eyes, and trying to meditate again.

That class was my opening back to Spirit. It showed me that my agnostic years dried up my soul. I was dying of thirst for spiritual nourishment and nothing could replace it.
The first thing I did was buy books—spiritual and inspirational books that did not belong to any religion. I read authors who encouraged me to trust my intuition and to listen to my heart. The floodgates opened. I wanted to know more, to feel my soul come alive, and to reclaim the magic I felt when I was a child.

My marriage was rocky, and it was just a matter of time before our relationship ended. Our soul contract was coming to an end, and we helped each other learn what we could. After I moved out to my tiny studio on the opposite side of the city’s bridge, I felt so happy to be free and to take the time to get to know who I was. I knew I was about to start a whole new spiral of soul growth. I was 27 years old.
And that is when the Spirit Guides came in.

First, they took the form as tiny angelic beings, magic mushrooms. I loved the space they would take me - beautiful fractals and feeling at home in the world. I worked with them intuitively, receiving a soul fuel that helped me to find the strength to keep going. What really shifted how I saw reality was my first LSD journey. I wrote about it in my blog, but to sum it up - I broke through the matrix.
I respected the ultimate rule of psychedelic medicine: Set and Setting. Being in a magical forest in Oregon at a conscious music festival where people were respectful and caring toward each other. I was with two college friends, and I took my LSD and never saw reality the same way. I remember having the most vivid and profound visions of celestial beauty. A herd of angelic white horses was running towards me as if my soul was one of them, finally free from human density, purposelessness, and sadness I felt all of my life.

I danced and danced, feeling at one with everything and knowing with absolute certainty that if I died the next day, I would be at peace because I SAW the real reality.

The portal to Cosmic Truth opened for me, and I wanted everything it would show me.
My Guides began to contact my consciousness. I began hearing them as distinct voices of wisdom, offering me support and directing me through synchronicities.

Part 3 Kundalini Awakening

When Ayahuasca came into my life at 29 years old, it was an instant recognition. I eagerly became Her apprentice, diving into the sacred work of healing my childhood wounds and retrieving my soul fragments. It took time to embody all that She was teaching me, and for a while I was living a life called, ‘one step forward, five steps back.” I would touch into the truth of my soul at the plant medicine ceremony, feeling connected and expanded, just to be sucked back into my old addictive patterns. Instead of only chasing peak experiences, I needed to rebuild my entire life - daily habits, mindset, and my whole identity. This process took 16 years. My Higher Self guided me through my dreams, angelic messages, spiritual books, and the shamanic trainings I was drawn to. Gradually, the inner transformation began to become visible on the outside. I was learning to accept myself, healing the mental patterns of self-judgment and self-abandonment.

What happened next is difficult to describe, and I will do my best to do it. I began noticing a pattern of acceleration that would result in me wanting to eat different foods, spend more time in solitude, and increased sensnsitity. Transcendental experiences of Cosmic Oneness would flood my body, dissolving all separation. My heart kept opening and I would cry from joy and inner completeness. My inner Bhakti was awakening - the mystical self that longed to completely devote itself to the Divine. In 2015 I dared to say the most courageous prayer that changed everything. “Great Spirit, I give you my life. I lay down my life on the altar of devotion. Make me an instrument of your Grace.” I longed to live a life of higher purpose and I wanted nothing but the full remembrance of Who I Really Was.
Spirit answers that prayer only 100% of the time.

Kundalini, the Divine Fire that lays sleeping in our spine, began awakening in me. Only later I learned that the Goddess Herself was awakening Her presence in me. I entered the most mystical chapter, where I intuitively was guided to my next set of Guides, ancient beings from Egypt, such as the God of Wisdom, Thoth, and Goddess of Alchemy, Isis, and the Goddess of Healing, Sekhmet. Ascended Masters made themselves known and spoke to me in meditations, guiding me to esoteric texts and practices. None of it felt ‘new’ to me. Everything felt like a great REMEMBRANCE, as if I was reconnecting the interdimensional memory circuits - and re-activating my Akashic Records files. I’ve learned to access my past lives and call back the gifts and soul talents that were relevant to my Divine Mission now. I’ve re-activated my healing abilities, telepathy, and all my Clairs - especially clairaudiance (hearing Spirit), and clairseintince (instant knowing). Life became beyond magical, filled with divine inspiration that I channeled in my online teaching, and mystical experiences became a part of my life.

The next huge unraveling was the Mystery School re-activation and awakening of my lifetimes as an Initiate of Light.

That chapter brought not only a profound realization of the Cosmic Truth, awakening the codes of Immortality, but also a series of Initiations, all designed to help me purify my ego, and accelerate my embodiment.

My life’s quest brought me to the most important place - peace within my soul and entire Universe. I am a mystic, always been and always will be, and it was important to share my journey to give context of why I keep sharing MYSTICAL truths, experiences, and teachings.

A path of the Mystic is a journey of a seeker to become a Seer. It is a journey of Ancient Eyes awakening and seeing the true nature of Reality, thus realizing its sacred role in the Web of Life - an instrument of Grace, a devotee of the Mysteries, and an ecstatic dancer in the Divine Play.

This has been my journey.
Did you experience a similar trajectory? Are you moving through one of these milestones? Are you being taken through an Initiation? If yes, remember, once your Ancient Eyes open, they will never be closed. Even if you temporarily forget who you are and your soul’s direction, your Sacred Heart will awaken you again and again. The journey of Remembrance is here—for all who are ready, for all who thirst for the Cosmic Truth.

_ Katerina Satori

(Mystical Awakening chronicles)