The first time I took LSD, I lost fear of death.Jul 29, 2022
The first time I took LSD, I lost the fear of death.
It was 14 years ago.
The set and setting were perfect.
Oregon forest, late June, conscious music and art festival.
It was my first festival and I fit right in; I came with a couple of friends from college who invited me.
I was days after finalizing my divorce and feeling the weight of that experience off my shoulders.
“What do people take here?”, I asked, “And can I get some Ecstasy?”
“This is not the place for E, it is the place for LSD,” I heard in response.
“What will it be like?”
“Oh, you will dance, you will dance a lot!”
Just before sunset, we took our “treats” by our tents.
“Set your intentions,” my friend advised.
I felt calm and clear: I was with the right people, in the right setting, and I had the right attitude for the experience - curiosity, and openness.
I took my dose of LSD and went to explore the art stations that were spread out at the festival.
It felt as if time soon became irrelevant as my experience began taking form; it was subtle at first, noticing the shifts in shapes and colors of paintings. Soon I found myself on the dance floor, resonating with music, and that is when the trip really began.
I danced like I never did before. There was no sense of self-consciousness or inhibition; there was an ongoing merging with the elements around me - music, soft breeze, trees above, earth below. I felt every sound bite with each of my cells; it was an out-body experience while dancing. And then I closed my eyes and discovered the most enchanting world there.
Vision after vision appeared before me, not mere geometrical forms or fractals, but full-size visions as if I was surrounded by the IMAX screen of my soul.
The visions were so stunningly beautiful that I wanted to cry; that how much they moved my heart; at one point I felt as if my heart would explode from the intensity of bliss.
At one moment I found myself in the open field and a herd of wild horses was running towards me. They were all white, wild horses.
I have never seen such mesmerizing beauty that was playing in my own mind. Everything felt so real, I could hear their sounds, I could feel their breath, and I could feel their power. It was as if I suddenly stepped into a parallel reality where that was happening and silently witnessed their wild glory.
The visions continued coming and I kept dancing with my eyes closed.
I did not want to leave that world.
At that moment, the veil was lifted and I knew: that what is seen in the physical was just a fraction of true reality.
In my LSD experience, I have pierced beyond the matrix of ordinary perception and I found so much beauty.
I danced for hours and I remember saying to myself, if I die tonight, I will die happy as I have seen into the true nature of this reality. I have tasted truth. I have seen beyond illusion.
It was the first moment of inner freedom I experienced.
In the hindsight, I intuit that those wild horses represented the essence of my soul.
I felt caged in my marriage, in society, in a role I thought I had to play to make others happy.
And here I was, having a vision of what the inner world is like and I was forever changed.
On that dance floor, I lost the fear of death and I became passionately curious about consciousness.
They call such people psychonauts - for their love of discovering what is beyond ordinary perception.
Once I saw a glimpse of what consciousness was made of, there was no stopping me.
My first LSD trip was one of the most remarkable journeys of my life. There were so many layers to it and it lasted for over 14 hours. I felt different and never saw reality the same way.
I went on to work with psilocybin afterwords, living in Oregon at that time, it was very easy to access.
Magic mushrooms were gentle guides for me, opening me up, softening my ego defenses, and teaching me magic.
They were preparing me to meet my Master Teacher Ayahuasca and when I was ready, I was led to her.
14 years working with psychedelics.
They helped me heal as nothing else did.
They helped me see the true nature of this Universe.
They helped me access the most profound truth.
And one thing I always did, was I respected them.
I was intentional about Set and Setting, engaging with them with sacredness as a ritual.
And I never blindly trusted another human with what doze was right for me. I had a tough lesson with that on my first experience with ecstasy. I will share about it another time; I learned my lessons through fire on that one.
I wanted to share my experience with LSD after I saw the new docuseries, How To Change Your Mind.
There is a new wave of psychedelic renaissance that is occurring now and I desire to add my voice of support.
These incredible substances have an enormous healing and awakening power.
They must be respected.
Set and Setting are everything.
P.S. for more on that, I recommend How To Change Your Mind on Netflix.
(art by Lena Snegireva and Andrei Verner)
- written on July 28, 2022, by Katerina Satori
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