On Fear of Writing

I tell myself, “Just 15 min…”

“Sit down and write for 15 min, please.”

My soul is speaking, of course. Nudging me to express and understand myself through the process of it.

“How is your book going?” - my friends ask me here and there. I do not enjoy this question, partially because I do not always want to answer it and other times I don't think they will understand.

But then I am guided to reading a new writing book, “Writing From Life” on how to tell your soul’s story and I find my faith in my writing again.

Fear masks desire.

Don't I teach that to all my students? Again and again?
Yes, I do. I keep finding my fear of writing and I keep recognizing the INTENSE desire under that fear.

Desire to EXPRESS without reservations, holding back, or censoring.

Ah, the deep wound of whether it will be received or understood, and ultimately, will it make a difference, will it be worth it to invest all this focus, time, energy, and heart bleeding? I bet every person who ever dared to write their soul’s story is going through this. Sometimes your writing flows like a white rapid river and other times it feels like you are sitting on the dry lake bed ground and the disconnection from the fire of your writing shutters you. A loss of connection can feel so overwhelming.

And then you wait. You wait for the pulse to return; the creative beat returns on its own and your book begins to call you again.

- from my journal entry, 2021